I will watch god paint the sky
Samantha Bottorff
My grave is waiting for me
An empty tomb awaiting my wandering
My heart, pounding nearer to its end
Ticking, ticking
A heartbeat, a count to my deadline
Each season passes, much as my own
Reminding me, in the refinement, I will atone
From sprouts, to trials, to release, to emptiness
What once was no longer can be found
Spring, summer, fall, winter
I cannot recall much anymore
I know they are there
But they are distant blurs of the past
My hand cannot reach them
But I know they are there
And I know I was happy
There is a faint echo of a child's laughter
I was happy
My lungs have felt tighter than usual
As if someone were pressing on my ribcage, waiting for it to burst
My heart, pounding nearer its end,
Ticking, ticking
My lungs, lighter and lighter
My joints creak in resentment as I stand
My wrinkled hand reaches for the blinds, determined
I will watch the sunset
I will watch God paint the sky
I will watch the world bid me goodbye
One last time
I will sit with Time and make us tea
Together, we will laugh, we will mourn, we will wait
I will sit and watch everything I've loved softly fade
And I will sit and watch everything I've never known gently carry me away
